First of all, you have to know I’m a grandma at heart, and I’m the type of person that by 10:00 p.m. is already on bed, even on Friday night, and my version of paradise includes laying on my bed while watching TikToks and scrolling through Instagram (how fun, right?).
A few nights ago, I found myself stalking the man I have a crush on, because in 2020, my crushes are fewer famous celebrities and more like dating app matches. At first, it was a healthy stalking (if that idea exists) just staring at his hot pictures and wondering how would I look next to him with my 5’0 height and my baby face, but then, I saw who liked his photos, and surprise, all of them were Instagram baddies -okay, most of them, there were his mom and aunt too-
I’ve heard a lot of people complaining that they feel insecure on Instagram, but I never thought it could happen to me, until that night. I fell down that rabbit hole and I started seeing each one of their Instagram accounts, and I realized the more I stared at them, the worse I felt about myself.
I can’t blame these women for being beautiful, confident, having at least three more bra sizes than me and being at least 30 inches taller than me. Also, I can’t blame them for posting sexy photos, because I believe in 2020 every single human being is free to do whatever they want on social media. They are not the problem, I am the problem, for thinking that just because I look different, I’m not beautiful and worthy.
Just because the beauty standard my crush has for women is different from what I look like, doesn’t mean I’m not a fun, interesting and lovable person and that the right man will appreciate all of that. The concept of beauty is different from everyone, and what I think it’s beautiful might not be beautiful to other people. We think one size fits all and that everyone on earth has the same idea of beauty as us, but surprise! Just like not everyone loves pickles, not everyone loves the same things you do.
This endless stalking Instagram models cycle, was a warning from the universe to me, to tell me that I need to stop comparing my beauty to other girl’s beauty and start cherishing my own. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and every experience I’ve been through has shaped me into the woman I am today. I might be little (I mean, I am 5’0) but there’s so much power inside me, that I just need to find the way to share it with the world and with people that surround me.
I decided to change my mindset from “why I don’t look like this?” with shame and guilt into a “I will work on myself to be proud of me”, and honestly, it’s not something that happens overnight.
I believe as women, we love being harsh with ourselves, and seems like we enjoy comparing ourselves to other women who have “a better life” than ours. We focus on what we lack instead of what we have, but at the end, it’s draining, exhausting and uncomfortable to do it. We are so much more than what we don’t have. We are our dreams, or ambitions, our goals, the way we get excited when we listen to our favorite song, the way we talk about what we’re passionate about and finally, we are one of a kind.
Remember, you are not those beautiful Instagram models, you are you with your own beauty and you are one in a million.
Mimi is a twenty-something writer obsessed with beauty products and with female empowerment. She also has a -very- relatable podcast about dating, adulting, and pursuing your dreams in your twenties. Check out all things Mimi here!