How Spirituality Helped Me Understand Life.

Before you even physically exist, your whole life has been written for you. You don't realize that until it is truly time for you too or if you even want to. Everyone is here for a divine purpose. Once you realize that, everything will "make sense" but also be complicated at times. You will learn to overcome obstacles even in times where it may seem hopeless.

In every one of my most prominent relationships, I have endured some type of abuse. They all had me sacrificing who I was as a person, until now.

I have always been a highly sensitive person. I can remember growing up always being afraid. So I stayed to myself. I remember being ashamed of being adopted; always feeling alone and not wanted. My life as a child wasn't the worst, I have had it way better than most. I've always known that my adoptive mom loves me but she has never been the type to show emotions. Maybe being in the military set the tone for that but she had a rough upbringing herself and took care of her children the best way she knew how. I now know why I was the way I was in relationships, I was longing for someone to say they loved me for me, understood me, and would protect me.

When I was in elementary school, I was sexually abused by someone very close to me. Unfortunately, the opportunities I had to share my experiences included my abuser always sitting next to my sister; I remember his evil eyes as I tried to explain what happened. Which in the end led me to keep what he was doing to me a secret. He also ended up passing away around the time I really wanted to speak up. As a child, I learned that I couldn’t speak up about things that hurt me and that those things would just go away without saying anything and that followed me the rest of my childhood to my adult life.

At 19, I was in a relationship with a woman, your “typical” down south stud; Dreads, gold teeth, and acted like the world revolves around her. I was living in Florida when we met and I was infatuated with her. I never left her side and we eventually moved in together. She had the ability to make me feel beyond worthless to the point of being physically sick but also cared for at the same time. Even though all of the physical and mental abuse, I wanted to be the one who could make her change her ways. It was hard for me to find the courage to leave because I felt like I needed her. That was the start of what I thought would be acknowledging and recognizing how I never wanted to be treated again; like a doormat, but instead, it secluded me even deeper for years.

At 23, I was back in Virginia and in cosmetology school. I connected with this girl on Instagram. She was ten years older than me and lived in Atlanta; her style was out of this world. She made me feel everything I thought I was missing. I ended up moving to Atlanta with her after I graduated from cosmetology school. We were in love and everything was perfect, or so I thought. Unfortunately, her trust issues and trauma started to play a big part in our relationship, and things started to go downhill fast when she projected her insecurities and trauma onto me. After 2 years of sacrificing my mental health to try and heal her and be there for her, I had to walk away for good.

At 25, I moved to Savannah, GA, and started my spiritual awakening and learned of my own intuitive gifts.

Years later after a few more narcissistic relationships with men, I decided to focus on myself and quit smoking because I was tired of my mind being clouded. I began to review my history with those men and women and noticed a similarity with issues and how I reacted to those issues. I started to question why I kept attracting the same types of people? The nurturer; making myself small for their well being. Even though the mental and physical abuse, I would still question myself and try to be there for them. Not knowing that all I was doing is repeating the same thing each time. So, I decided to make a change and started researching and receiving messages from tapping into my own spirituality.

I started following spiritual accounts on Facebook and Instagram that really resonated with me. I started having visions and seeing signs. Signs that I knew were signs from things I would see throughout my life about spirituality. They started to be more than coincidences. Then I started to get psychic readings from a few people I felt really drawn to because I had nowhere else to turn. I felt like nobody else besides those people could understand how I was feeling and why certain things were happening to me. But these visions I would get, they were always validated after getting readings. So I started to trust my gift and my intuition more. As a result of my new spirituality, I started saying no to those relationships and places that didn’t align with me or where I was going. That’s when the knowing and understanding started to fall in place.

I know that not everyone believes or even understands Spirituality, some may even view spiritual practices as evil, but it has opened my eyes. And after doing some research on where I come from, these practices are things that my ancestors did before me. Throughout everything I have gone through, I know that those situations were to help me learn and understand different stages so that I am able to help those who are meant to cross my path. I know how powerful we all are and how powerful we can become if we cut out all the noise, and listen. Especially being an empath, it is not always easy. For one, we are human beings having a human experience and it can get dark. I know now by walking this path that this is what I was called here to do. It has helped me take back my power. I was not and will never be a victim. I had to go through some tough lessons in order to be where I am now; in a conscious state of knowing.

I will be learning and flowing with life continuously from now on. In my process, I have learned when you push, you create resistance and you make things harder for yourself. Being spiritual I understand more of what life is, oneness.

Nikki is a highly intuitive empath from Northern Virginia, now residing in Savannah, Ga. A lover all things that help uplift the body, mind and soul. She truly believes that everything is connected, beyond what we can physically see and we are all here at this specific time to search for our truths. "My mission is to help the people I come in contact with embrace who they truly are and see things from a new light, so opened my own private studio salon called The Cove Hair Studio." You can find me at www.instagram.com/thecovehairstudio or www.facebook.com/thecovehairstudiosav