The Final Nightmare
It’s “time” I gasped
What about time, my dear?
It’s passing so fast,
Yet it is so unfamiliar
Well, what are you going to do with your life?
Aren’t I already doing it?, I countered
But next, what are you going to do next?
It’s on the tip of my tongue, I can feel it
So go go go for it!
If I go for it too fast
Then it will be all-consuming, it will be it
...then it will be over
The chase
The challenge
The wonder
Life.
Ah, I’m beginning to see why it’s so hard for you to keep love, my dear
No person, place or thing seem to hold your attention for long
Can’t hang onto my nouns, I snickered
Really my dear,
You must commit to one thing, become an expert at it
...you can’t live this way
I worry for you
I live to live in the moment
It slows me down, grounds me
Makes moments move slower...gentler
Not fleeting, more precious
The stopping to look down and feel your pet’s paw clenching your hand kind of living
I want more musing about the universe
About what it would take to live on Mars
The intricacies of a neuron
And the capabilities of us as the electrical beings that we are
I want to communicate with animals
Connect with the earth
Observe the subtle ways in which we all behave alike
And the differences in experiences
That tear us apart
“That’s not the way life is”
You need a big house, a large yard
To fill up rooms with fine goods
Bear children, grow a family and teach them
Teach them what? The same cycle?
I’ll never even look at any of it
All my belongings will get set up “just so”
Like an Architectural Digest photo shoot set
A large Swiss Cheese Plant in one corner
A caramel-colored leather couch
Well-loved, colorful books on display
And I’ll feel proud for maybe a day…
Over time more and more will naturally be added
Then my heart will slowly sink
Until it’s all filled up and so heavy
With all the wrong substances
I’ll start to be out of the house 22 hours a day
Whether in reality or my sleep
You’re being dramatic
...Then empathy must be a stranger to you
Maybe you’ve forgotten how it feels
Or maybe you were always dead inside
Blindly following the so-called steps of life
Otherwise, you’d understand how...how...
It kills me to even imagine a future
Where every day is set to be the same
The walls, the actions, the problems, the expectations
And I wake up 50 years from now,
Only to introduce me to myself
The version that you wanted
But I can’t seem to wrap my head around
-The Final Nightmare
Heidi is a poet, writer and comedian residing in Raleigh, North Carolina. She loves to travel, indulge in numerous outdoor activities and explore the human mind through the lens of a cognitive and social psychology educational background. She can frequently be found sprinting to make it to places on time, dancing out of boredom, and drinking excessive amounts of Americanos.
